Ahead of Franky Boyle’s new tour expected in 2017, it’s time to look back at 10 times Frankie Boyle put celebrities on blast during his stand-up [word of warning, these top the savage-o-meter].
Take it away Frankie:

Katy Price
“Katy Price and Dwight Yorke are fighting over custody of Harvey, although eventually one of them will lose and have to keep him… It’s rumoured that Katy Price married a cage fighter because she needed someone strong enough to stop Harvey from fucking her.”

“She was in the paper the other day saying she’s a marmite personality. That’s true because half the country hates her, and the other half want to see her on the end of a fucking knife.”

Danny Dyer
“Danny Dyer is presenting a show: Danny Dyer – I believe in UFO’s. I’m going to present a show called: Frankie Boyle – I believe in Danny Dyer, where I try to figure out whether Danny Dyer actually exists. Or if he’s just a character actor, constantly auditioning for the part of a gay garage mechanic with a brain injury.”

“Who actually wants to employ him… the only thing people want to see Danny Dyer present is the symptoms of arse cancer.”

John Terry
“Now I have to be careful how I phrase this next bit… John Terry has a rapists face. Not saying he’s raped anyone, but if he does rape someone I get £200 off Paddy Power, from a £190 bet.”

“I wouldn’t piss on John Terry if he was on fire. The only fluid i’d give him is i’d wank on him in a burns ward if I had aids. *gestures to masturbate* Open your mouth John, open your burning mouth.”

Steve Jobs
“Anyone think It was ironic that Steve Jobs got thinner as his laptops got thinner? and by the time he’d created the Macbook Air, he was a ghost? People say he died to soon, but I think it was a fitting metaphor for his company’s attitude to battery life.”

“I honestly hope they buried him in a coffin with a big fucking crack on the lid.”

Wayne Rooney
“Wayne Rooney gets paid a ridiculous amount doesn’t he. He’d be happy with just a tire and a rope. How old is Rooney? 23? they don’t usually live that long… People think i’m calling him a monkey, but i’m actually trying to imply that he has downs syndrome.”

“I’d like to see Wayne Rooney with Andy Carol’s hair. He’d look like a rapist cabbage patch doll.”

Robbie Savage
“Robbie Savage got angry on Twitter the other day and said he wanted to fight me. I said: ‘You keep fighting evolution and ill fight the winner’.”

Duncan Bannatyne
“I saw Duncan Bannatyne the other day and he’s worth 200 million or something like that, so I tried to take the piss a bit… I went, so I bet you haven’t been back to Clyde Bank since you’ve made your millions. He went, ‘on the contrary Frankie, I was there the other day, receiving a Scot of the year award’… What a tremendous fucking cunt he is.”

Rebecca Adlington
“The thing that nobody really says about Rebecca Adlington is that she looks pretty weird. She looks like someone who’s looking at themself in the back of a spoon.”

Gordon Brown
“Do you think George Bush actually knows who Gordon Brown is? He probably just thinks Tony Blair’s put on weight and had a stroke… He looks terrible doesn’t he? (Gordon Brown) he looks like a sad face that someone has drawn onto their scrotum.”

Whitney Houston
Frankie referred to Glasgow as being “wetter than Whitney Houston’s last joint,” continuing on to say “At least she was clean when they found her… and she ought to have been, she’d been in the bath for an hour.”

We’ll let Frankie have the last word here:
“If you’re offended by any of these jokes, feel free to tweet your outrage on a mobile phone made by a 10 year old in China.”

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